I’m always trying to fit in. I want to look, talk, and walk like everyone else. When I go to events and parties, I observe what other people are doing first, and follow them. Even when I go to my friends’ houses, I feel the need to follow them in what they are doing. If my friend uses a napkin to clean her plate, I’ll do the same. If my friend’s mom asks me how my day has been and my friend responds to the question simply, I’ll respond simply as well. I never let myself be myself. Instead of doing things the way I want them to, I choose to do them the way others do. New people I meet at events don’t know who I really am because I try so hard to be like them. But really, I’m awesome. You are awesome. Everyone is awesome in their own way, and we’re all different too. Why try to be like someone else when you are so awesome? We all look, talk, and walk differently because we were made that way. So let’s not try to fight our own nature and make ourselves feel horrible. You are awesome. Be yourself.
I usually tell my friends and family many things, but what most people don’t know is that I’ve been through clinical depression before. It was just last year, actually, and I still feel its shadow creeping up on me at times and clawing at my soul, trying to pull me back into the depths of darkness. That might sound kind of weird, but it’s true. Having depression is horrible, and for the longest time I didn’t know what to do about it. I felt like the most worthless person in the world, and that I didn’t deserve anything for myself. My grades started dropping, I got into fights with family members. It was quite a low point in my life, and it just wasn’t the greatest time of my life. But thankfully, it didn’t last forever. I talked to people about my situation, read stories online about people who went through even worse depression than I did, and as I did so, slowly I slowly started to recover. I started putting my life into perspective and focusing on the things I really cared about. Whenever I’m having a horrible day, or I’m feeling stressed because of school or personal issues, I still feel like I’ll fall back into my depression. But I try not to let it get to me, because I know that there are so many things I want to accomplish. If I keep worrying about my depression, then I’ll never achieve my goals and ambitions. So if you’re going through depression, or just having a bad day, remember that there are more important things to worry about, and that it isn’t the end. Think about your friends, your family, and what you hope to achieve. Think about the places you have visited, the places you have yet to visit, the people you have met and the people you have yet to meet. You have so much of your life ahead of you- don’t give that up. Stay strong, and you’ll find your hope, just like I did.
My teachers have told me many times–and I bet they’ve told you too–take risks, because that’s the only way you’ll succeed. They are right. If you keep doing the same thing for your entire life, nothing will ever change or get better. For the longest time, I was like that. I never did anything new or different. I just did well in school and a few extracurriculars. I did the same thing every day and became numb to the world. I was just going through the motions of everything, and I never really had fun. Even the things that I enjoyed most, such as singing or being with friends weren’t as fun as they used to be, and I had to force myself to pretend that I was having fun, so people wouldn’t worry. I wasn’t depressed or anything; I was just bored with everything in my life. But around spring 2015, I started doing more. I worked harder for what I wanted. I joined temporary bands set up by my guitar teacher and played some gigs. I started recording songs to send out to record companies. I started writing, and considered minoring in music in college. Once I started doing more, I started having more fun. All of the new things that I was doing gave me excitement for my future. I still sometimes slip back into the repetitive boredom, but I now have more to look forward to, and more to work for than just getting into a good college, the same goal as everyone in my school. The new things that I’m doing make me different and give me hope that 30 years later, when I’m looking back at my high school years, I won’t have any regrets. Even if all of the things that I’m planning don’t work out, I took a risk. A risk that makes me different from all of the others around me who just want straight As and perfect SAT scores to get into a good college. The risks you take may not guarantee success, but they give you something to look forward to.
I’ve recently been through a lot of friend drama, and it’s making me too worried. Especially since it’s finals week; that just adds on stress that my mind can’t handle. Through the turmoil of the past couple weeks, I’ve lost a friendship which I thought I would last forever. I guess the other person didn’t just reciprocate my feelings. However, I did see the signs along the way – there were times I could tell she disliked me or disagreed with my opinions. It was a strained relationship, but the string has finally been broken. And although I feel some sadness and sorrow to know that I lost a friend, I feel like I’m finally free. Now that our relationship is over, I’ve noticed just how much of a burden it was to keep pulling through and convincing myself that she was truly a good friend. It was just an extra weight that was pulling me down, and now that it’s gone I feel so much better. Our friendship was something that just put more stress on both of us, and it was time to let go. Sometimes, it’s for the best interest of both people to end a friendship that wasn’t even beneficial in the first place. Let go of the unhealthy relationships in your life, and you’ll find yourself feeling much better afterwards.
A few months ago, I was randomly feeling down in the dumps. There was no reason to be unhappy. I had a great family, amazing friends, decent grades, and I live in a safe place. However, I just felt lonely and sad. Everyone else seemed to be having fun and hanging out with their friends. My friends were getting together on Halloween to watch some movies, and I just read the group chat. It wasn’t like I wasn’t invited, but no one reached out and asked me if I was coming. I felt forgotten. Every day I would impatiently wait for school to end so I could come home and sing sad songs as I played guitar. I wasn’t depressed and I didn’t feel worthless. Just forgotten and tired and down in the dumps. I wished for someone to chat me up or call me and just remember me. But no one did. Time passed, and I realized that a lot of people did care about me. One of my good friends always chats me up. My parents work all day to provide for me and my siblings. And so much more.
Even when you feel like no one cares about you, so stuck in your own negativity, remember that someone still cares. I care. Your family and friends care. Your teachers care. And we all want the best for you.
You feel down at times and lose hope. But no matter what, there will always be light even in the darkest of times. If you just look up from the darkness, there will be sunshine and hope. Sometimes, you may feel there is no way out of the darkness and will stay depressed and sad, having no hope for the future. I just want you to see that everything may seem broken in pieces, but we are here for you. The darkness may overcome, but it will never completely. Darkness cannot exist without light. The light will always be there for you.
You can’t bring back what you’ve lost. Instead, think about what you still have.
I think this saying has a lot of meaning in many different ways, but I want all people going through a hard time due to some issue. We’ve all lost something or someone; whether it’s the chance to do well on a final or a friend, it’s happened to everybody. I’ve seen many people become incredibly stressed because they’ve lost something and can’t deal with it. In fact, just yesterday, a friend of mine was freaking out because she missed an opportunity to get extra credit and raise her grade, so she’d have more leeway for her final. It was hard to see because she was so stressed, and she’s that way almost all of the time. What she didn’t understand is that yes, she did miss that chance, but it’s not the end of the world. If she works hard, she can still do well on the final and in the class. I want her and all of you reading this to remember that even if you didn’t do well this semester, you can’t redo it. But you’ve worked so hard for all this time. You still have the final to make up for this semester. And even if you don’t do well, you’ve worked hard and you’ve tried your hardest, and that is something to be proud of. That’s something my dad always tells me: even if the results aren’t what you expected, you worked hard and there’s always next time. There will always be a second chance, and you are human. You are not expected to be perfect.
Also, for people struggling with loss of a friend or a family member, remember that you are not alone and it is okay to go to others for comfort. It’s hard to cope with a loss so permanent, so please do not try to just feel better. Other people are there for you and are worried about your well-being. They want you to be happy, so please remember that others do care about you and are still there to support you. Even if you lose someone, you will always have others there for you, and you are not alone.
I’m sure you’ve heard this many times by now, so much that it probably seems very cliche. But believe me- there is at least ONE human being who cares about you even the tiniest bit. You know why? Because I DO. I care about you. No matter who you are, where you come from, what race, religion, social status, gender, sexual orientation, or anything else you may hold or be a part of- I care about you. The mere fact that I’m writing this right now proves that even though I’m a complete stranger, even though I don’t really know who you are, I’m still thinking about you. I’m writing this in the hopes that I can be a tiny spark in the black hole called loneliness which someone may be having the misfortune to go through. And I can relate, because I’ve been through it too. Although my loneliness probably wasn’t nearly as severe as yours, I still know how it feels to be so alone that it seems as if no one in the world could give a crap about you. Even though I can’t put myself in your shoes and feel your pain, I can still try and help as much as possible. I hope that even these few words can make you feel the tiniest bit better, and I want you to know that my feelings and thoughts are there for the sole purpose of giving you comfort and relief. And although I can’t do much for you, I’m trying my best everyday to make even a small difference in the lives of others. It’s not just me, but so many other people I personally have the luck to know who are doing their best to improve the lives of so many people. So I hope that knowing this, YOU can feel some hope. Although you’re feeling dubious, have some trust and take my words into account- there’s someone out there who definitely cares about you.
It’s around that time of year when seniors are frantically finishing up college apps, finalizing their essays or adding that ‘magical’ last-minute touch to their resumes. This, along with the SATs and ACTs just around the corner, made me really start to think about what I would do with my life after high school. And it’s not just me– many of my junior friends are struggling to decide what they want to pursue once they leave high school and go to college. Here in the Silicon Valley, there are a lot of parents who pressure their kids to go above and beyond in their academics, and often times there is so much pressure to pursue a “respectful”, or in other words “well-paying”, job or career. This may be attributed to the so-called “asian mindset”, which is definitely a real thing. However, pressure from our parents to become either “a doctor, lawyer, or engineer” is not always the wishes of the student themselves. I’ve heard many stories of people getting a job that their parents forced on them just to be unhappy later on, and no one wants to live their lives not enjoying what they do for a living. I know a youtuber who struck out on her own after realizing that accounting, what her parents had wished for her, was not working out at all. She decided to quit her job, started posting videos on youtube, and now she is a full-time youtuber and happier than ever. I’m not saying you have to become a youtuber to become successful, or that becoming a doctor/lawyer/engineer is a bad thing- my point is that you should do what you LOVE, don’t do something because other people forced it on you. If you have a passion for music, have crazy-good acting skills, or are a talented writer, then PURSUE those passions. If people try to tell you otherwise, just ignore them and show them that you really ARE talented and can become successful on your own standards, NOT theirs. If you, just like me or many other students, find your parents have conflicting thoughts about your life or career, talk it out with them. Participate in talent shows, enter contests, do whatever you can to prove your abilities to them. Act responsible and be smart in your decisions so your parents trust your choices and your abilities. If all else fails, just remember- if you love it, then do it, because you deserve a happy, joyful and fulfilling life just as much as everyone else. You do you.
You can’t bring back what you’ve lost. Instead, think about what you still have.
Silver Lining 