Trust your close friends!
I’ve had a lot of close friends in the past, but a lot of those friendships failed in some way. Those failed friendships made me reluctant to tell my friends how I feel a lot of the time. Whenever I do, it makes me vulnerable, and I’m always worried about whether or not I was right to tell them, because what if this friendship fails somehow too?
I once had a falling out with some friends I’d been with for a long time, and it was really bad. It felt like we couldn’t even be friends after that. I was so angry, but more than that, I was mournful. I didn’t feel like I’d lost a friend, I felt like someone had died–my friendship with them. I was terrified because I couldn’t even fathom the thought of losing any more friends, especially friends who had been so good to me in the past.
During this time, I was talking to another friend pretty often. She who wasn’t involved, and I tried to act like nothing was wrong, but I couldn’t keep pretending I was fine. So I told her everything. I told her what happened with my friends, how I was terrified and so regretful, why it affected me so much, and by the end, I felt so vulnerable, but so free at the same time.
She understood why I was upset, gave me advice, told me that everything would be okay, and helped me cheer up. I could tell she was trying her best, and that in itself made me feel better because it made me realize that I shouldn’t just close myself off just because I’m scared of losing a friend. It sucks to lose a friend, but what sucks even more is having friends who seem like they care for you so much but still being unable to tell them anything because you’re afraid. Friendships are built on trust, your closest friends should be those you trust most. So if you can’t even trust your friends, who can you trust?